Should I move to that new city or to that new country? Should I marry my girlfriend or boyfriend? Should I leave my current comfortable job for a newer, riskier job at a startup? These are just some examples of major life choices that all of us face at some point in our lives. These are the decisions that define our lives, potentially push us outside of our comfort zones into the unknown, they bring us to glorious new places within our lives and sometimes are the decisions we regret making (or not making) for years. How in the hell is anyone to know what is the right decision and what is the wrong decision?
In most of these instances, you confer to friends and family, ask what they think you should do… but the most important question and the one you almost never really ask is, what do you think you should do? Peer pressure to marry your current boyfriend / girlfriend, because that’s what other people do or pressure from parents to pursue a law degree or doctorate or to be an engineer, when really you just want to brew beer for a living - these are the things that ruin lives. Ruin YOUR life. In order to make the correct decision, my best advice is to tell nobody… ask nobody, but yourself.
I’ve made a ton of these major life choices, sometimes to great results and sometimes with terrible outcomes. Sometimes in my life I made a non-choice, or non-decision (analysis paralysis) and these non-decisions will continue to eat at me for years. Action, whether it be one way or another, is almost always better than non-action Bruce Lee said, “If you spend too much time thinking about a thing, you will never get it done.” One way or the other, my advice is to take action. Don’t freeze. Make a decision and when you make that decision put your full force, effort and spirit behind the decision you made. Believe in your decision making abilities and lead yourself to victory.
How do you make these decisions? The best strategy I have found to successfully make these decisions is to keep the decisions to yourself or just your spouse - you need to limit the noise, otherwise you are making a decision for someone else, not for yourself. Anytime I have made major life decisions based on what others say I should do, I end up making the most conservative decision possible and guess what - fortune shines on the bold, not the cautious.
Sit down and make a pros and cons list for these life changing decisions. Do all the research you can and leave no stone unturned. Bare your soul into this list and provide a weighted level of points based on what is most important to you. Once you have exposed all pros and cons to the decisions and weighted these pros and cons with points based on level of importance to you, add the points up and you will have your decision. It is only normal to second guess yourself. Sometimes, the points might be in the wrong direction and your gut, your heart or your head will still be going the opposite way of the points. The key is to put your full force toward whatever decision you make. Logically, follow the points. Most times, your gut will not lie. Make a decision, take action and put your entire being behind that decision. If you fail, own it - at least you took action.
It seems so simple that there has to be more to it than a pros and cons list right? There has to be more than trusting in your gut after you make the pros and cons list… it’s way too simple. Generally, when you make the pros and cons list, if you do your research and think of literally every pro or con that comes to mind, more often than not you will flush out details, pros or cons, that you hadn’t considered; that perhaps your parents or friends hadn’t considered. Your gut, your head, your heart and your mind will lead you to the truth. Just believe in yourself.
Here’s a real life example of a major life decision I had to make: Should I leave my career as a teacher to work for a construction company?
Table by The Modern Spartan
In the end I would be trading the freetime I would gain working as a teacher for the opportunity to make more money and to have more control over my work-life and my destiny. In the end everything is about trading time for money or money for time, how much is your time worth? Control was the determining factor.
This simple pros and cons list allowed me to put all true pros and cons out there, I have lost time and I have lost time pursuing my dream of being a professional writer. However, I have made more money in construction than I could have dreamed to make as a teacher. I have grown a business and am proud of the work I have completed, I have control of my destiny and with the additional money I have made have control over other companies now. I have sacrificed short-term time in my late 20’s and early 30’s, but the hope is I will be financially free by the time I’m 45-years-old (perhaps earlier) and will then have the freedom to spend the rest of my life pursuing my passions. My gut wanted control over my situation.
This is just one decision. I have used this same method for many other decisions and suggest anyone else do the same when trying to make major life choices. Place all facts good and bad down in front of you, this helps eliminate biases. Don’t allow the opinions of others to diminish the facts or to diminish your own gut feelings. Once you have reviewed the facts, follow your gut, your heart and the logic the facts bring you to make the best decision possible to you at the time. This is how you eliminate regret. Not every decision is clear cut better than another, but most choices in life have pros and cons - just make the best decision that you can live with for the rest of your life.